Episode•February 14, 2025•16 min

Importance of Financial Intimacy in Relationships with Ashley Silberfeld | Ep. 368

In this episode of Money Talk With Tiff, Tiffany Grant welcomes Ashley Silberfeld, a partner at Blank Rome and a seasoned divorce lawyer, to explore the concept of financial intimacy. Ashley provides insights into why financial intimacy is integral to a healthy relationship, especially in the context of marriage in California where financial transparency is crucial by law. Check out the full show notes: https://moneytalkwitht.com/podcast-show-notes/financial-intimacy/ Takeaways Financial intimacy is all about open and honest conversations regarding your finances with your partner. Knowing where your partner keeps their financial information is crucial to maintaining trust and intimacy. Having regular 'money dates' can help couples stay aligned financially and build intimacy over time. If your partner keeps financial secrets or avoids questions about money, that's a big red flag! It's important to discuss financial circumstances early on in a relationship to avoid future surprises. Lack of transparency in finances is a major contributor to relationship issues and can lead to divorce. Connect with Ashley Silberfeld Ashley is a partner at Blank Rome, and you can find her on LinkedIn for further assistance with legal matters. Connect with Tiffany Website: https://moneytalkwitht.com @moneytalkwitht on all social media platforms Financial intimacy is essential for a successful partnership, and this episode provides valuable insights and tips for ensuring transparency and trust in financial dealings within a relationship. Support this Podcast Copyright 2025 Tiffany Grant This podcast uses the following third-party services for analysis: Podcorn - https://podcorn.com/privacy OP3 - https://op3.dev/privacy

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Key Takeaways

1
Financial intimacy requires full transparency about assets, income, accounts, and beneficiaries
In California, financial transparency is legally required in marriage
Partners should know where all financial information is kept at all times
Both parties need access to bank statements, credit cards, retirement accounts, and beneficiary information
2
Avoiding financial discussions or deflecting questions about money is a major red flag
Responses like 'none of your business' or 'I'll get that to you later' signal lack of intimacy
Partners should know each other's banks, credit cards, and retirement accounts
Being kept in the dark about finances undermines trust and relationship health
3
Regular 'money dates' help couples maintain financial alignment and build intimacy
Monthly check-ins to review budgets, finances, and future goals
Ongoing conversations are essential, not just one-time discussions
Early intervention and open communication prevent snowballing issues
4
Lack of financial transparency is a leading contributor to relationship breakdown and divorce
Financial intimacy (or lack thereof) is as critical as romantic intimacy
Hidden assets, debts, or income can create major conflicts
Starting financial conversations early in a relationship prevents future surprises
5
One partner handling finances is acceptable only if the other remains fully informed
Allowance-style arrangements can indicate control issues
The non-managing partner must know how to access all financial information
Expressing needs openly during financial discussions prevents resentment

Intro

Tiffany Grant welcomes divorce attorney Ashley Silberfeld to discuss financial intimacy in relationships, particularly in the context of California marriage law where transparency is legally mandated.
Ashley Silberfeld is a partner at Blank Rome and a seasoned divorce lawyer who emphasizes the importance of financial transparency in healthy relationships.

Blank Rome LinkedIn

– Defining Financial Intimacy

Ashley explains that financial intimacy means having an open, honest relationship with your spouse about financial circumstances, including sharing bank accounts, earnings information, and access to all financial statements and accounts.

It's really a full disclosure, open book about the finances in the relationship.
– Ashley Silberfeld

– Warning Signs of Missing Financial Intimacy

Key indicators include not knowing where your partner banks, what accounts they have, or receiving evasive responses when asking about finances. Lifestyle mismatches with known income and lack of access to account passwords are also concerning.

If you don't know and you ask and the answer is none of your business... that is a definite warning sign.
– Ashley Silberfeld

– Allowance Arrangements and Control Issues

Ashley warns against situations where one partner controls all finances and provides the other with an 'allowance.' While one person handling finances is acceptable, being kept in the dark is problematic.

If someone wants to handle the situation, the financial situations, that's okay. But the other person needs to know where all the information is and how to get it.
– Ashley Silberfeld

– Money Dates as a Tool for Building Intimacy

Tiffany introduces the concept of regular 'money dates' to review budgets and finances monthly. Ashley enthusiastically endorses this practice as a way to maintain ongoing financial conversations.

I love that idea. I've never heard of that. And I think it's amazing.
– Ashley Silberfeld

– Expressing Financial Needs Openly

Ashley emphasizes the importance of speaking up about financial needs rather than silently accepting inadequate budgets. This prevents resentment and hidden financial behaviors that erode intimacy.

– Financial Issues as a Major Divorce Driver

Both hosts agree that lack of financial transparency is a huge contributor to relationship breakdown. Financial intimacy is as critical as romantic intimacy for relationship health.

Financial intimacy or lack thereof is absolutely a huge cause or a huge topic that leads to the disruption of relationships or leads to divorce.
– Ashley Silberfeld

– Early Intervention and Prenuptial Disclosures

Ashley stresses that financial conversations should begin early in serious relationships. In California, prenuptial agreements require full financial disclosure, which is often the first time couples discuss their complete financial picture.

If they're not comfortable having the conversation, another red flag.
– Ashley Silberfeld

Resources

Topics

financial intimacyrelationship communicationdivorce lawmoney managementfinancial transparencyprenuptial agreementsCalifornia family lawrelationship red flagsmoney datesfinancial trust